The Pains of Transition
This blog will be one of the most vulnerable ones that I have written as it will come directly from my own transition walk of the last 4 years.
We tend to shy away from the hard truths and hard questions in the church because preachers will not get popular unless they talk about happy things and tickle peoples’ ears with smooth talking. But what about being real and authentic like Jesus? See, what do you do when you go through difficult seasons? What about when you feel like God is silent? What if you experience a tragedy, or if you feel like you are alone in the world walking through the dry wilderness? What happens when you encounter sorrow, agony, or do not know which life decision to make? What about real life issues, the ups and downs you will walk through as a believer?
In this blog, I want to talk about my own journey of the pains of transition and what it is like to walk the uncharted path of a revivalist in Hollywood. I will tell you right now it is a lonely path. Most people cannot handle the fire that you walk in and will shut you out of their churches. You will be falsely accused of things, lied about, and rejected because you challenge the status quo of religious normalcy and rattle the cages of dead man’s bones because you release only what the Lord is saying and you do only what the Lord is doing. Hallelujah! Wherever you go as a fire carrier, you stir up what is hidden in people, both on an individual level and corporate level. Darkness cannot hide when the consuming fire of the Living God is there, and this is exactly why you will be rejected, despised, and falsely accused by the religious leaders.
At this very moment I am facing the greatest transition of my life so far. Everything that I have been training for is now at hand. The only problem is that I have absolutely no idea what step to take. Yup, I have no idea, but I do know it is time to become unhidden and rise up as a living oracle of the Lord. Here I am at 27 years old (almost 28) with close to 20 years of serving in the church, have a BA in Pastoral Ministry, just finished my M.Div. in Theology and the Arts, ready to preach revival fire but not sure where to go. No one wants to talk about this part of a transition, which is the uncertainty you feel because you have not received a plan from heaven yet. In times like this, you just have to lean into Jesus and wait.
It has been a painful process, both in a good pruning way but in a heartbreaking way. In order for the Lord to mantle you with something greater, he has to dismantle you of you and every other system, idol, and ways that are not of him. This will be a difficult process known as the wilderness, but it is where you will become like him because your ONLY means of survival is to lean into him. As you lean into him, you become one with him. The entire purpose of the wilderness is for you to become one with the Father by leaning into him in order to live! There comes a time where the wilderness ends, and this is where I am. It is possible to get stuck in the wilderness, whether it be from disobedience, sin, bitterness, or staying in lower level glory when the Lord is calling you up higher to a new glory. It is an intimidating thing to walk out of the wilderness but not yet into the promised land. Now what?
On the heartbreaking side, my walk in Los Angeles has been lonely as a revivalist. I have been to ministries that are internationally known but operate as Sauls behind the scenes where they lie, use, control, and manipulate people. There are churches I have been to where it is all a show and anything goes because the pastor is a sellout to gain popularity (and because he is living in secret sin) rather than preaching the undiluted truth of the Gospel. If it’s not baby’s food that preachers are teaching, then it is the doctrines of demons. If it’s not compromise, then it is normal, boring routined church where there is no power, fire or glory. This, of course, is not saying that there are not awesome ministries here, but you will not find many that carry consuming wild fire.
(Side note: I will forever be grateful to the church I was recently at for all of the love and healing that the leaders poured into me. They are wonderful people who brought me into restoration after going through a difficult season at a previous ministry).
Praise God for the wilderness, loneliness and rejection. Praise God because it caused me to lean into him even more. When I had a pastor tell me, “We do not want too much fire here, but just enough to draw people in. There is always just a few radical ones in a church, but it is not for everyone” I burned even more (yes, this obviously was my last meeting with him, and I left shortly after)! When a ministry falsely advertises that they want fire and revival but cannot handle it when real fire shows up, I just burn even brighter. When I had pastors shut me out because they are full of pride and jealousy, I just burned even wilder. When I had a pastor send false accusations against me, I just burned even more! When I go around Hollywood and find complacent, sin condoning, watered down “preaching,” I just BURN, BURN, BURN even more!
To quote Jonathan Edwards, he said, “Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will.” I want to add to this, “I will burn for God. If no one else does, I still will.”
My pains of transition have taught me how to burn alone. It has taught me how to burn even wilder when no one else will. It has taught me how to come up higher in the glory realms when others want to play church games. You will find out where you truly stand with the Lord when you are alone. Will you bow your knee to him to be entirely sold out, or will you follow the crowd and be a sellout?
So, here I am in transition to step into my mandate as a revivalist, a living oracle of the Lord. If you are serious about the fire of God and shaking the earth with the Greatest Awakening, I ask for your help. If you are a pastor, minister, or know of any who are hungry for the fire of God, please help connect me. It is time for me to “go,” full-time, full-blast, full throttle!
PS- I am grateful for the close friends I have made through this process as they are walking the same path that I am. We have walked through the fire in our own walks, but we have walked through it together as well. I am grateful for the forging through the fire and for the Lord hand picking us all to run together.